Hello Abdirahman, I am going to be commenting on your cover page, introduction, and your storybook overall. I will start with your cover page. In the title of your storybook untold and stories should both be capitalized. Also in your site map area your Introduction is “put under” Home. In the directions we are told to make sure when creating a new page to place it at the “top level.” If it isn’t at the top level then it can disappear or be hard to find. Those were the only two things I found for the cover page. I think you have a great picture and the font is great. Now to your introduction, you have a period after the question mark at the end of your first paragraph. At the end of your second paragraph your period should be inside your quotation mark. I don’t think you need the comments section at the bottom of your book either. If you want to change this you can go to the “open more actions menu” at the top right of the site and then click on “page settings.” A page setting screen will pop up and then click the “allow comments” to turn them off. Your introduction is really good. It was easy to read and flowed very well. Overall, I think you have a great topic and a great start to your storybook. I would consider adding a background instead of just having plain white but maybe there is a reason why you have it that way. I hope my comments are helpful, great job and good luck with the rest of your stories.
I am pretty sure that I will be coming back to read your Storybook each week! I love to read scary stories, not so much watching scary movies though, and I love the photo on your cover page. Since the image came from a “documentary” it gives more of an edge to it. If one looks at it too long they can start imagining things that are not there.
I wanted to make sure that I am getting the style that you are trying to ingrate here… Is that after the first paragraph of the intro that there is a different ghost or entity speaking and giving their story? Nonetheless I do not recognize any of the backgrounds for these beings so it adds suspense to the stories and draws the audience in to continue reading to find out! I can tell you that I am very excited for your stories! I do not really have anything to necessarily critique you over, I just wanted to mention that in the second to last paragraph one of your characters state “Now you have bought us…” I am pretty sure that you are trying to say “brought,” right? That’s really all that I noticed, great job so far!
Hello. I read the first part of your Storybook and can honestly say, I look forward to the rest and can't wait to see what you come up with and where the stories go. I really liked the introduction. The first-person narration was perfectly creepy while also complimenting the actual stories that are soon to be coming forth. I think that is what kept me on the edge of my seat and excited to see what came next. I liked that the narration came from a collection of ghosts or spirits instead of just one. I prefer that we get more than just one side of the story, and I can tell there is a fight to bring out the different aspects of the story already. That kept the intensity and excitement up for me.
Setting it up like a reality was also really intriguing. Most ghost stories tend to be a little too fantastical to my liking, but your story didn't pander for me and I really appreciated that. Also, I particularly liked the cliffhanger at the end of the introduction. Really good stuff. I didn't go into the first story because I plan to come back to it later in the semester, but again, I really did enjoy that intro. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading your stuff throughout the rest of the semester.
I really like your storybook so far! I feel like the overall theme of the storybook could fall under simple, but scary. I like how it's the basic red, black, and white, as it leaves the creativity up to the stories; which is where it should be! As for you your introduction, it was so intriguing. I thought it was actually really creepy (in a good way) how you set it up, with the different entities speaking up and talking directly to the reader. I think it really puts the reader on the edge of their seat and gives no direction as to where it could all go! Normally, I wouldn't agree with that, but I think it works very well with your storybook theme. Your first story was great. I've never seen the Blair Witch Project, but I know the story, and I thought your version was great. As you noted in your author's note, I really like how you incorporated the ideas of missing children, Halloween, and a supernatural villain in the story. I think it all flowed together perfectly! Overall, I really liked your first story, intro, and homepage. I think you've set yourself up for a great storybook and I will definitely be interested in reading more stories!
Wow, Acce, I have to admit that your Storybook, from start to finish, completely gave me chills (in a good way!) The blurry still from the Blair Witch Project was a great image to use on your cover page because it gave a real sense of the uneasiness and fear I would feel as I read throughout your site. The red writing on the white background was a great touch because it immediately made me think of blood adding to the overall creepy vibe of your page. I love you gave the reader a dare in your introduction. I was pretty apprehensive to continue on to your first story after reading the introduction (I'm a huge wimp when it comes to scary movies/stories) but you'd issued a challenge so I couldn't back down! The story itself was pretty chilling - I've never actually watched the Blair Witch Project (see earlier statement about being a wimp) so I didn't know the storyline behind it. I thought you did a great job of retelling the story (based on your author's note) and the change you made using children instead of teenagers really made an impact - scary stories are always scarier (at least to me) when they involve children! I probably won't be able to sleep tonight so well done!
Abdirahman, I really like the color scheme you chose for your site. It really makes it spooky and I can tell the stories are going to be interesting to read! As soon as I saw the title of your storybook, I knew I would be interested because I love horror stories! I like your choice of using the photo on the coverpage. It really reminds me of a creepy haunted forest. Wow, excellent introduction! I really felt like the different souls were pulling my attention back and forth and that leads up to the fact that your narrator is all the souls in one. By daring us to turn the page, I might already be wondering what scary thing is going to happen next! I appreciate the jump to first person perspective because it creates a new vibe. I am familiar with the Blair Witch and so I love your rendition of the story. The old man really made me shiver because of Kristin’s murder! I felt bad for the narrator because it had all started out as a game to these characters but ended in absolute horror! The Blair Witch is definitely a good choice to add to this storybook! I am looking forward to reading more from you.
I just wanted to stop by and thank you for leaving such a great comment on my portfolio post! I appreciate that you noticed that I decided to add in some of my own elements and put my own spin on it. I think it is so fun to get creative and elaborate on the details in the story. Again thanks for the great comment!
Thank you too, Abdirahman! It's been a pleasure to read your stories and get comments from you. I've enjoyed reading your opinions and about your love for Japan. :)
Abdirahman, I think your cover page looks great. It isn’t too cluttered, you didn’t include anything unnecessary to distract from the tone you’re setting, and the image and color scheme you selected build anticipation and even fear for the things to come.
I am normally a littler leery of red fonts, but yours was not too harsh and I found it to be readable. Your introduction was interesting and I can tell where you’re coming from and what you’re trying to do with it, but I was a little confused about where the ‘husband of mine’ part came from or what purpose it was supposed to serve. Maybe this will become clear as you add more stories. I really liked your last paragraph and think that helped set up your first story really well.
I’ve seen the Blair Witch Project movie, so I was curious about how your retelling of the story would compare to that. I found your retelling to be really suspenseful and well-done! Outside hide-and-seek is creepy enough by itself and I definitely had that that moment where you just want to yell ‘nooooooo!’ at the characters in the story. Do you plan to continue your story in multiple sections? Either way, good luck with the rest of your storybook and your semester!
Abdirahman, you're doing a great job with your storybook so far! I love reading scary stories, so this was the perfect storybook to give me chills. From the beginning, your cover page drew me in immediately. What a great picture to choose--the blurry still of a barren forest really gives the reader an eerie feeling.
Your introduction continued this theme. It was skillful of you not to say who the narrator was outright, but to establish through descriptive language that the people telling these stories are the ghosts and spirits that were affected in these events. The last paragraph of your intro definitely made my imagination run wild--what if there really was a spirit sitting right next to me as I type this? Haha.
The first story, "Deadly Love Affair," shook me. Normally when I watch scary movies or read horror stories, I don't get scared at monsters or other, more unrealistic creatures, I get spooked by psychological horror or events that could actually happen in real life. This is what got to me in this first story: the fact that these events actually could, and have, realistically happen(ed). I didn't realize that this was a true story until I saw your bibliography. Wow--what a chilling tale.
I am familiar with the Blair Witch Project, and I thought you did a nice job summarizing the premise of the Blair Witch. The ending of your story seemed hopeless, but I can't help but hold out hope that somehow, the three remaining kids get out alive!
Overall, you are doing a great job with your storybook project! There are a few grammar and punctuation errors scattered throughout, but those are minor in comparison to the great storytelling that you have. I can't wait to read more of your work!
Hey Abdirahman, I think you are doing a really great job with your storybook so far! I really do love scary stories so it is great to get to read some!
I think you did a really great job picking out your image for your coverage. When I think of scary movies I think black and white and I think forrest comes to mind. I also like that the picture is blurry, like you are maybe running from something. Great job. very intriguing! I think your introduction did a really great job of introducing the reader to your scary theme. I think that was nicely continued in your color theme for your site. Nice pick!
I have seen the Blair Witch Project and I think you did well in summarizing it and I like your version of the story! Good Job.
You are doing well with your storybook project. Continue the good work!
Your Blair Witch story is amazing and well written! I have never seen the "documentary," but I have always heard it was somewhat similar to the Paranormal Activity movies. I am what a lot of people refer to as a sissy when it comes to scary movies, and this is the main reason to why I have not come around to watch the Blair Witch Project. I especially like your retelling because you gave the reader a lot of background details to understand the story better. If the movie is like any of the others it probably doesn't provide much more information other than a short ghost story.
The way you used first person point of view through one of the children was a great idea and writing style. I felt as if I was experiencing their fear as they're waiting to see what is going to happen next. I feel that the way your narrator explains the tradition of his town, then there is a fast forward to modern day, that it gives the reader a sense that he is retelling this story to someone (or at least this is how I portrayed it). This makes me think that there may be a small chance they survived, and it leaves your reader with a sense of anticipation to what is going to happen next. Good job on your story!
Hi there Abdiraham, Great job with your progress on your class storybook so far. I am not typically a fan or scary stories so I was a bit hesitant to dive into your stories, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be . You did a great job of telling the story without any unnecessary detail, but still did a good job of bringing the text and characters to life. From an aesthetic standpoint, you did a great job of setting the tone for your story right off the bat. The colors you used and the image you chose for the coverpage all worked together to set the stage for a great all-around storybook. Everything is cohesive from beginning to end. I particularly like the blurry picture on the cover page – I can tell you put a lot of effort into developing the scary theme. Unlike most people I’ve never seen or become familiar with the Blair Witch Project so I didn’t have much of a frame of reference for that story, but after reading your author’s note I had a good idea of what it was about and how it influenced your story – it was one of the best authors notes I’ve seen so far! Keep up the good work.
Hey! I went back and read more of your Storybook for my free choice, and I like what I'm reading, so far. It is very well put together with the fonts and the images and backgrounds. All very creepy and gruesome, just as it should be. However, there were some misspellings and grammar issues that made some of the stories a little tough to get through. Just going back through and rereading it should take care of things. As for the stories themselves, that first one about the affair - woah! That was insane! I had already seen the Blair Witch Project, so that story wasn't quite as entertaining, just because it wasn't new. That first story, however, that was a crazy one. Stephan's revenge and carrying around Gregory's head was ridiculous and definitely creepy. Once again, well done, and I look forward to the rest of your Storybook as the semester winds down.
Hi Abdirahman, I was very intrigued with the title of your storybook. “Horrors of the Untold Stories” sounded very mysterious and I love horror movies and books! I like the simplicity of your home page. The red, black, and white colors are great colors to depict the horror theme that you are writing about. I also like that the picture was in black and white because it gave the page an eerie presence. The introduction you presented was unique but I’m not sure I quite understood it! I thought at first that spirits of some sort were speaking but then in one part of the introduction a female was speaking? When I read the first story, “Deadly Love Affair”, I was still confused as to who is narrating the storybook. Are there multiple characters narrating? In the first story there is a women narrating but the husband seems like he fits the character of the evil spirit from the introduction better. The first story was very good though. At first I thought that Gregory was going to be a crazy murderer but it turned out that Stephan was!!! I was not expecting it to end the way it did at all but I thought the ending was very dramatic and suspenseful. Great job!
I really enjoy reading your work. Literally you could have not picked a better subject! I look forward to doing this assignment each week, that way I can come back and read one of your stories. This is such a sad story, and too bad Diane and Stephen could not have gotten a divorce to avoid the tragedy (but then again there would be no story to tell then). You were able to convey some really strong emotions through your writing, especially through Diane's perspective. I do not condone affairs, infidelity, or anything along those lines, but one cannot help but feel sad for the couple and secret lovers.
In your author's note you state that Stephen was later arrested, in the original tale, but the way you left this detail out ads to the eeriness of the story. The image you chose is pretty ambiguous and it adds an element to Diane's character, almost showing her emotional state throughout most of the tale. Good job this week, and I will be back to read the next story you post!
I chose your storybook as my free choice this week because I had read and enjoyed the intro and first story so much before, that I wanted to see what your second story was like! And I must say, I was truly impressed! This story was much more serious than the first I read, with the children, and it was much more vivid, but boy I think you hit the nail on the head with it! It's written fantastically, and I think you accurately expressed the thoughts and feelings a woman going through this sort of thing would have. In the author's note you mentioned that Gregory was 21 years old, but I'm not sure how old the wife and husband are. I assume a little older? Upper 20's? Also, you definitely did portray the husband's insanity quite well. The reaction slightly caught me off guard because he did not seem like he had previously been abusive towards her, but maybe that was the point! I also think your picture was great. You mentioned it is not the one from the original story because it was not passionate enough, but I think the image you chose portrayed that really well. Overall, your story was truly captivating to read! You are a fantastic writer and I look forward to reading more of your stories!!
Okay, well first things first: why do you have two identical side navigation bars much less a site owners section? You only need one, I promise, and it needs to be in order. As for your storybook, it’s interesting. I am a huge horror buff, so I read your title and had to see what you did. I’m a little disappointed I must say. The title should have ever letter capitalized except pronouns and looks unprofessional if not done-so. I feel it would have been better to make the content background black and then chosen a creepy background for your storybook (with a lot of grays, whites and reds and only a little black). I think it was fun to include music, but there’s a way to have it on every page and not in youtube form. Here’s just one of many sites http://scmplayer.net. Check it out, because it would be an awesomely eerie addition to your storybook. As for the writing, I think it was decent. The first story was a little off-putting in the beginning because of the text without explanation prior (plus it was written in a very detached third person which I’m not sure if that was planned or not). I would have maybe been more scared had it been a closer third or even a distant first. I hope this helps make your storybook even better!
Acce, first off, your site looks amazing! I love the theme and can tell you put in a good amount of work to really personalize it to fit the eerie and scary theme of your storybook! The only suggestion I could make, which is an important one, is the navigation of your site and the links to various pages. You seem to have two of them and one has the stories/intros all out of order and one is perfect. If you could just get rid of the top navigation, it would make things a lot less confusing for site visitors.
As for your intro, how eerie and scary it was! I like that you used the idea of these scorned spirits to tell their stories, and boy are these spirits not happy. It definitely sets us up to find out why they are so upset and what they might do.
And WOW did I find out what happened! I read "Deadly Love Affair", and I am sure I was in shock the entire time. You certainly brought in a good amount of detail to your stories, and while the story line was pretty shocking and intense, I feel like the amount of detail you used was crucial. I was completely draw into your story and continued to read wanting to know more! You did such a good job drawing me in and maintaining my interest! I was even more shocked by the ending of this story because I thought Steven was simply going to kill the wife and baby, not behead the another man. Still, I nothing shocked me more than to find out that this was not some mere horror tale told by people, but rather a real life story and event! SO CREEPY! I think it is really cool that you brought in real tales though, because for most of us, we are just retelling made up fiction in our storybooks! So that definitely added a spooky and creepy element to your storybook. Awesome job!
Hey man, when I first looked at your cover page the black and red color scheme really caught my eye. Those are definitely classic colors for horror stories. I also really liked how you included the Youtube video of the scary music. The blurry photo is a nice touch as well. It gives off that anxious vibe that really helps the reader get into the mood to be scared.
Your intro did a great job in giving the reader information about what stories they are in store for. I like how you used angry spirits to convey that. I chuckled at the reference to paranormal hunters bringing their cameras into the places that they haunt.
I read "Barrel Deaths," and thought you did a wonderful job with the feel of the story. I think you portrayed Alyssa's naive personality really well. The interactions online and her getting ready give you this lightheartedness that you feel in a lot of horror stories before something bad happens. I think you have done an excellent job with your storybook so far. Keep up the good work!
Hey Abdirahman! What a great story book (and so creepy!). I think your introduction and layout are really fitting for your content. The introduction starts out really creepy and does a great job of setting up the scene and following stories. The red text and black background really lend to the mysterious and creepy overall feeling.
I really enjoyed the Blair Witch Project story. I liked (and was creeped out) by the original movie. I can totally see how people thought it was real haha. I'm really glad you included the Author's Note, it really showed where you got the idea for the story. I think it's really cool how you built off the movie to tell another story that is similar.
The only thing I would suggest is to maybe make the fonts consistent throughout your storybook. The Blair Witch was really easy to read, but the "Barrel Deaths" font is kind've hard to read. Other than that I think you've done a great job of telling your story and making it your own! Thanks for sharing, I think you did a great job!
Back again! I still like the visual elements of your site and I think they are very fitting. This week I took a look at your newest story, "Barrel Deaths". Starting out, I think the instant messenger conversation was an interesting touch, but you should consider bolding the screen names. I think doing this would make the conversation easier on viewer's eyes and therefore easier to read. Also, at one point you use "OUGIRL21" as the name for the girl, and then you start to use "Alyssa". I think you should keep it consistent and use "OUGIRL21" as the screen name throughout the instant messenger conversation. Other than that, I thought this element of the story was great. The instant messenger really added a relatable theme to your story considering the idea of internet dating and "catfishing" that we see in our society today!
It is also always extremely creepy when reading your author's notes to realize that these are all based on true stories. It gives me goose bumps to know these things happen and are not just fictional stories. I really liked your image at the end of your story though. It set a very creepy tone to leave the story with.
The only other suggestion I might have is the fact that things at the end happened so fast. It seemed like it jumped from normal to being dragged out of the car and strangled really quickly. Maybe if you could draw it out with a little more details, it would add a little bit more suspense for the readers.
Other than that, I think you are doing great and have a really great theme going for your storybook!
I came back again! I couldn't stay away. This time, the third story just blew me away. I know it is creepy and a little awkward to say, but I love reading about serial killers, so this story was extra...fun? Is that the right word? Anyway, I really loved the layout, and even though it happened in Kansas, I honestly do think it was best to shift a little further south to our neck of the woods to make it a bit more frightening and realistic (if that's even an applicable term). I also liked the image you created. However, I temporarily felt like I was looking at an old milk carton.
Anyway, I think this has become one of my favorite storybooks from the semester, mostly because I just don't know the stories so it definitely feels fresh and new and exciting. Plus, the fact that they aren't all mythological stories, while strange to see in this class, is a breath of fresh air amongst what I have been reading all semester, you know? Keep up the great work, and I can't wait to see the last story!
I came back to your storybook because the first two stories that I read were so intriguing; I had to see what other story you would pick to retell. I even told a few friends about the "Deadly Love Affair" story that was in the news because it was scary to me that this had actually happened in real life (of course, I know that things like this happen often, I just don't hear about them for the most part).
That being said, reading your new story, I was both intrigued and horrified to see that it was another real-life occurrence. I appreciate that you kept up this theme; it really adds to the terrifying nature of your storybook (especially a story of this nature, in which the victim meets the predator online). In this day and age, it is so easy for people to pose as someone they're not on the internet, and I felt so bad for Alyssa in the story due to her naivete. In a way, your story raises awareness for people not to trust people they have never met in person--it is so easy to impersonate someone else and to trick them. Thank you for sharing this story!
I came to your storybook this week as one of my free choices. I remember reading one of your storytelling blog posts in the course a few weeks ago and I thought that you did a great job. I wanted to see what your story book was all about, as I was very intrigued by the name of the book.
Overall, I thought your book was very well set up. It looks like a horror-type story and aesthetically, I think you did a great job with the fonts, colors, and images. Furthermore, your introduction was absolutely awesome! I was intrigued from the very first sentence. I think this is such a cool storybook idea and you did a great job of setting that up in the introduction.
Your stories within the book were also really great. I loved that you took well-known stories and gave them your own twist. I thought that overall, they were very easy to understand but still written very well, which can be a hard thing to do. There were lots of details in all three stories and it made them so enjoyable to read.
You did an awesome job with your storybook! One of my favorites from the course!
Hi Abdirahman, Your cover photo is actually really creepy, but entirely fitting for you storybook. I like that you kept your site very simple and dark with just a plain black background and blood red text. The introduction is very powerful and definitely portrays how the spirit feels. It gives a nice start to your storybook and kind of gives a small peek to the rest of your storybook. It always surprises me how some children can be so brave. Playing hide and seek in the same woods that a town recluse lives doesn’t seem like the brightest of ideas. Especially if he was rumored to be the husband the Blair witch. This story kind of scares me a bit but it’s a very well written story. You did a great job of retelling the story and maintaining the creepy feel to it. I especially like the ending. You left the reader with enough to know what’s going to happen without actually having to state it. Reading a few other of your stories I found they all are equally well written. You did a great job in this storybook! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your future writings.
Wow I think that you have set up your cover page really well! I feel that all the elements are there! The font works really well with the theme. I think that you did red works for the picture I have painted in my head about what the storybook is going to be about! I also like that you have included a very creepy picture! I think that strengthens your storybook! I like that the picture is in the center of the page, I feel that when they are off to the side they look kind of awkward and distract the eye. I also really like the fact that you included a video! I think that is so creative and I have not seen anyone else do that! Great job! Wow great job with your introduction post! I think that you did a really good job of introducing the story line and keeping the reader really interested in what is going to happen next! I feel that you did a really good job of retelling the story ‘The Blair Witch.’ I think this is such a creepy story and you did a good job of keeping the important details from the original but also adding in your own themes. Great job so far!
Hello Abdirahman, I am going to be commenting on your cover page, introduction, and your storybook overall. I will start with your cover page. In the title of your storybook untold and stories should both be capitalized. Also in your site map area your Introduction is “put under” Home. In the directions we are told to make sure when creating a new page to place it at the “top level.” If it isn’t at the top level then it can disappear or be hard to find. Those were the only two things I found for the cover page. I think you have a great picture and the font is great. Now to your introduction, you have a period after the question mark at the end of your first paragraph. At the end of your second paragraph your period should be inside your quotation mark. I don’t think you need the comments section at the bottom of your book either. If you want to change this you can go to the “open more actions menu” at the top right of the site and then click on “page settings.” A page setting screen will pop up and then click the “allow comments” to turn them off. Your introduction is really good. It was easy to read and flowed very well. Overall, I think you have a great topic and a great start to your storybook. I would consider adding a background instead of just having plain white but maybe there is a reason why you have it that way. I hope my comments are helpful, great job and good luck with the rest of your stories.
ReplyDeleteAbdirahman,
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure that I will be coming back to read your Storybook each week! I love to read scary stories, not so much watching scary movies though, and I love the photo on your cover page. Since the image came from a “documentary” it gives more of an edge to it. If one looks at it too long they can start imagining things that are not there.
I wanted to make sure that I am getting the style that you are trying to ingrate here… Is that after the first paragraph of the intro that there is a different ghost or entity speaking and giving their story? Nonetheless I do not recognize any of the backgrounds for these beings so it adds suspense to the stories and draws the audience in to continue reading to find out! I can tell you that I am very excited for your stories! I do not really have anything to necessarily critique you over, I just wanted to mention that in the second to last paragraph one of your characters state “Now you have bought us…” I am pretty sure that you are trying to say “brought,” right? That’s really all that I noticed, great job so far!
Hello. I read the first part of your Storybook and can honestly say, I look forward to the rest and can't wait to see what you come up with and where the stories go. I really liked the introduction. The first-person narration was perfectly creepy while also complimenting the actual stories that are soon to be coming forth. I think that is what kept me on the edge of my seat and excited to see what came next. I liked that the narration came from a collection of ghosts or spirits instead of just one. I prefer that we get more than just one side of the story, and I can tell there is a fight to bring out the different aspects of the story already. That kept the intensity and excitement up for me.
ReplyDeleteSetting it up like a reality was also really intriguing. Most ghost stories tend to be a little too fantastical to my liking, but your story didn't pander for me and I really appreciated that. Also, I particularly liked the cliffhanger at the end of the introduction. Really good stuff. I didn't go into the first story because I plan to come back to it later in the semester, but again, I really did enjoy that intro. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading your stuff throughout the rest of the semester.
I also appreciate your thoughts on my storybook. I tried to center those pictures on my cover page. I hope it is better to view now.
ReplyDeleteHello Abdirahman, thank you for your comments throughout the semester. Your comment on my storybook really help show me I am doing a good job with it.
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook so far! I feel like the overall theme of the storybook could fall under simple, but scary. I like how it's the basic red, black, and white, as it leaves the creativity up to the stories; which is where it should be! As for you your introduction, it was so intriguing. I thought it was actually really creepy (in a good way) how you set it up, with the different entities speaking up and talking directly to the reader. I think it really puts the reader on the edge of their seat and gives no direction as to where it could all go! Normally, I wouldn't agree with that, but I think it works very well with your storybook theme. Your first story was great. I've never seen the Blair Witch Project, but I know the story, and I thought your version was great. As you noted in your author's note, I really like how you incorporated the ideas of missing children, Halloween, and a supernatural villain in the story. I think it all flowed together perfectly! Overall, I really liked your first story, intro, and homepage. I think you've set yourself up for a great storybook and I will definitely be interested in reading more stories!
ReplyDeleteWow, Acce, I have to admit that your Storybook, from start to finish, completely gave me chills (in a good way!) The blurry still from the Blair Witch Project was a great image to use on your cover page because it gave a real sense of the uneasiness and fear I would feel as I read throughout your site. The red writing on the white background was a great touch because it immediately made me think of blood adding to the overall creepy vibe of your page. I love you gave the reader a dare in your introduction. I was pretty apprehensive to continue on to your first story after reading the introduction (I'm a huge wimp when it comes to scary movies/stories) but you'd issued a challenge so I couldn't back down! The story itself was pretty chilling - I've never actually watched the Blair Witch Project (see earlier statement about being a wimp) so I didn't know the storyline behind it. I thought you did a great job of retelling the story (based on your author's note) and the change you made using children instead of teenagers really made an impact - scary stories are always scarier (at least to me) when they involve children! I probably won't be able to sleep tonight so well done!
ReplyDeleteAbdirahman, I really like the color scheme you chose for your site. It really makes it spooky and I can tell the stories are going to be interesting to read! As soon as I saw the title of your storybook, I knew I would be interested because I love horror stories! I like your choice of using the photo on the coverpage. It really reminds me of a creepy haunted forest. Wow, excellent introduction! I really felt like the different souls were pulling my attention back and forth and that leads up to the fact that your narrator is all the souls in one. By daring us to turn the page, I might already be wondering what scary thing is going to happen next! I appreciate the jump to first person perspective because it creates a new vibe. I am familiar with the Blair Witch and so I love your rendition of the story. The old man really made me shiver because of Kristin’s murder! I felt bad for the narrator because it had all started out as a game to these characters but ended in absolute horror! The Blair Witch is definitely a good choice to add to this storybook! I am looking forward to reading more from you.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to stop by and thank you for leaving such a great comment on my portfolio post! I appreciate that you noticed that I decided to add in some of my own elements and put my own spin on it. I think it is so fun to get creative and elaborate on the details in the story. Again thanks for the great comment!
ReplyDeleteThank you too, Abdirahman! It's been a pleasure to read your stories and get comments from you. I've enjoyed reading your opinions and about your love for Japan. :)
ReplyDeleteAbdirahman, I think your cover page looks great. It isn’t too cluttered, you didn’t include anything unnecessary to distract from the tone you’re setting, and the image and color scheme you selected build anticipation and even fear for the things to come.
ReplyDeleteI am normally a littler leery of red fonts, but yours was not too harsh and I found it to be readable. Your introduction was interesting and I can tell where you’re coming from and what you’re trying to do with it, but I was a little confused about where the ‘husband of mine’ part came from or what purpose it was supposed to serve. Maybe this will become clear as you add more stories. I really liked your last paragraph and think that helped set up your first story really well.
I’ve seen the Blair Witch Project movie, so I was curious about how your retelling of the story would compare to that. I found your retelling to be really suspenseful and well-done! Outside hide-and-seek is creepy enough by itself and I definitely had that that moment where you just want to yell ‘nooooooo!’ at the characters in the story. Do you plan to continue your story in multiple sections? Either way, good luck with the rest of your storybook and your semester!
Abdirahman, you're doing a great job with your storybook so far! I love reading scary stories, so this was the perfect storybook to give me chills. From the beginning, your cover page drew me in immediately. What a great picture to choose--the blurry still of a barren forest really gives the reader an eerie feeling.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction continued this theme. It was skillful of you not to say who the narrator was outright, but to establish through descriptive language that the people telling these stories are the ghosts and spirits that were affected in these events. The last paragraph of your intro definitely made my imagination run wild--what if there really was a spirit sitting right next to me as I type this? Haha.
The first story, "Deadly Love Affair," shook me. Normally when I watch scary movies or read horror stories, I don't get scared at monsters or other, more unrealistic creatures, I get spooked by psychological horror or events that could actually happen in real life. This is what got to me in this first story: the fact that these events actually could, and have, realistically happen(ed). I didn't realize that this was a true story until I saw your bibliography. Wow--what a chilling tale.
I am familiar with the Blair Witch Project, and I thought you did a nice job summarizing the premise of the Blair Witch. The ending of your story seemed hopeless, but I can't help but hold out hope that somehow, the three remaining kids get out alive!
Overall, you are doing a great job with your storybook project! There are a few grammar and punctuation errors scattered throughout, but those are minor in comparison to the great storytelling that you have. I can't wait to read more of your work!
Hey Abdirahman, I think you are doing a really great job with your storybook so far! I really do love scary stories so it is great to get to read some!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really great job picking out your image for your coverage. When I think of scary movies I think black and white and I think forrest comes to mind. I also like that the picture is blurry, like you are maybe running from something. Great job. very intriguing! I think your introduction did a really great job of introducing the reader to your scary theme. I think that was nicely continued in your color theme for your site. Nice pick!
I have seen the Blair Witch Project and I think you did well in summarizing it and I like your version of the story! Good Job.
You are doing well with your storybook project. Continue the good work!
Abdiraham,
ReplyDeleteYour Blair Witch story is amazing and well written! I have never seen the "documentary," but I have always heard it was somewhat similar to the Paranormal Activity movies. I am what a lot of people refer to as a sissy when it comes to scary movies, and this is the main reason to why I have not come around to watch the Blair Witch Project. I especially like your retelling because you gave the reader a lot of background details to understand the story better. If the movie is like any of the others it probably doesn't provide much more information other than a short ghost story.
The way you used first person point of view through one of the children was a great idea and writing style. I felt as if I was experiencing their fear as they're waiting to see what is going to happen next. I feel that the way your narrator explains the tradition of his town, then there is a fast forward to modern day, that it gives the reader a sense that he is retelling this story to someone (or at least this is how I portrayed it). This makes me think that there may be a small chance they survived, and it leaves your reader with a sense of anticipation to what is going to happen next. Good job on your story!
Hi there Abdiraham,
ReplyDeleteGreat job with your progress on your class storybook so far. I am not typically a fan or scary stories so I was a bit hesitant to dive into your stories, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be . You did a great job of telling the story without any unnecessary detail, but still did a good job of bringing the text and characters to life.
From an aesthetic standpoint, you did a great job of setting the tone for your story right off the bat. The colors you used and the image you chose for the coverpage all worked together to set the stage for a great all-around storybook. Everything is cohesive from beginning to end. I particularly like the blurry picture on the cover page – I can tell you put a lot of effort into developing the scary theme.
Unlike most people I’ve never seen or become familiar with the Blair Witch Project so I didn’t have much of a frame of reference for that story, but after reading your author’s note I had a good idea of what it was about and how it influenced your story – it was one of the best authors notes I’ve seen so far!
Keep up the good work.
Hey!
ReplyDeleteI went back and read more of your Storybook for my free choice, and I like what I'm reading, so far. It is very well put together with the fonts and the images and backgrounds. All very creepy and gruesome, just as it should be. However, there were some misspellings and grammar issues that made some of the stories a little tough to get through. Just going back through and rereading it should take care of things.
As for the stories themselves, that first one about the affair - woah! That was insane! I had already seen the Blair Witch Project, so that story wasn't quite as entertaining, just because it wasn't new. That first story, however, that was a crazy one. Stephan's revenge and carrying around Gregory's head was ridiculous and definitely creepy. Once again, well done, and I look forward to the rest of your Storybook as the semester winds down.
Hi Abdirahman, I was very intrigued with the title of your storybook. “Horrors of the Untold Stories” sounded very mysterious and I love horror movies and books! I like the simplicity of your home page. The red, black, and white colors are great colors to depict the horror theme that you are writing about. I also like that the picture was in black and white because it gave the page an eerie presence. The introduction you presented was unique but I’m not sure I quite understood it! I thought at first that spirits of some sort were speaking but then in one part of the introduction a female was speaking? When I read the first story, “Deadly Love Affair”, I was still confused as to who is narrating the storybook. Are there multiple characters narrating? In the first story there is a women narrating but the husband seems like he fits the character of the evil spirit from the introduction better. The first story was very good though. At first I thought that Gregory was going to be a crazy murderer but it turned out that Stephan was!!! I was not expecting it to end the way it did at all but I thought the ending was very dramatic and suspenseful. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your work. Literally you could have not picked a better subject! I look forward to doing this assignment each week, that way I can come back and read one of your stories. This is such a sad story, and too bad Diane and Stephen could not have gotten a divorce to avoid the tragedy (but then again there would be no story to tell then). You were able to convey some really strong emotions through your writing, especially through Diane's perspective. I do not condone affairs, infidelity, or anything along those lines, but one cannot help but feel sad for the couple and secret lovers.
ReplyDeleteIn your author's note you state that Stephen was later arrested, in the original tale, but the way you left this detail out ads to the eeriness of the story. The image you chose is pretty ambiguous and it adds an element to Diane's character, almost showing her emotional state throughout most of the tale. Good job this week, and I will be back to read the next story you post!
I chose your storybook as my free choice this week because I had read and enjoyed the intro and first story so much before, that I wanted to see what your second story was like! And I must say, I was truly impressed! This story was much more serious than the first I read, with the children, and it was much more vivid, but boy I think you hit the nail on the head with it! It's written fantastically, and I think you accurately expressed the thoughts and feelings a woman going through this sort of thing would have. In the author's note you mentioned that Gregory was 21 years old, but I'm not sure how old the wife and husband are. I assume a little older? Upper 20's? Also, you definitely did portray the husband's insanity quite well. The reaction slightly caught me off guard because he did not seem like he had previously been abusive towards her, but maybe that was the point! I also think your picture was great. You mentioned it is not the one from the original story because it was not passionate enough, but I think the image you chose portrayed that really well. Overall, your story was truly captivating to read! You are a fantastic writer and I look forward to reading more of your stories!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, well first things first: why do you have two identical side navigation bars much less a site owners section? You only need one, I promise, and it needs to be in order. As for your storybook, it’s interesting. I am a huge horror buff, so I read your title and had to see what you did. I’m a little disappointed I must say. The title should have ever letter capitalized except pronouns and looks unprofessional if not done-so. I feel it would have been better to make the content background black and then chosen a creepy background for your storybook (with a lot of grays, whites and reds and only a little black). I think it was fun to include music, but there’s a way to have it on every page and not in youtube form. Here’s just one of many sites http://scmplayer.net. Check it out, because it would be an awesomely eerie addition to your storybook. As for the writing, I think it was decent. The first story was a little off-putting in the beginning because of the text without explanation prior (plus it was written in a very detached third person which I’m not sure if that was planned or not). I would have maybe been more scared had it been a closer third or even a distant first. I hope this helps make your storybook even better!
ReplyDeleteAcce, first off, your site looks amazing! I love the theme and can tell you put in a good amount of work to really personalize it to fit the eerie and scary theme of your storybook! The only suggestion I could make, which is an important one, is the navigation of your site and the links to various pages. You seem to have two of them and one has the stories/intros all out of order and one is perfect. If you could just get rid of the top navigation, it would make things a lot less confusing for site visitors.
ReplyDeleteAs for your intro, how eerie and scary it was! I like that you used the idea of these scorned spirits to tell their stories, and boy are these spirits not happy. It definitely sets us up to find out why they are so upset and what they might do.
And WOW did I find out what happened! I read "Deadly Love Affair", and I am sure I was in shock the entire time. You certainly brought in a good amount of detail to your stories, and while the story line was pretty shocking and intense, I feel like the amount of detail you used was crucial. I was completely draw into your story and continued to read wanting to know more! You did such a good job drawing me in and maintaining my interest! I was even more shocked by the ending of this story because I thought Steven was simply going to kill the wife and baby, not behead the another man. Still, I nothing shocked me more than to find out that this was not some mere horror tale told by people, but rather a real life story and event! SO CREEPY! I think it is really cool that you brought in real tales though, because for most of us, we are just retelling made up fiction in our storybooks! So that definitely added a spooky and creepy element to your storybook. Awesome job!
Hey man, when I first looked at your cover page the black and red color scheme really caught my eye. Those are definitely classic colors for horror stories. I also really liked how you included the Youtube video of the scary music. The blurry photo is a nice touch as well. It gives off that anxious vibe that really helps the reader get into the mood to be scared.
ReplyDeleteYour intro did a great job in giving the reader information about what stories they are in store for. I like how you used angry spirits to convey that. I chuckled at the reference to paranormal hunters bringing their cameras into the places that they haunt.
I read "Barrel Deaths," and thought you did a wonderful job with the feel of the story. I think you portrayed Alyssa's naive personality really well. The interactions online and her getting ready give you this lightheartedness that you feel in a lot of horror stories before something bad happens. I think you have done an excellent job with your storybook so far. Keep up the good work!
Hey Abdirahman! What a great story book (and so creepy!). I think your introduction and layout are really fitting for your content. The introduction starts out really creepy and does a great job of setting up the scene and following stories. The red text and black background really lend to the mysterious and creepy overall feeling.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the Blair Witch Project story. I liked (and was creeped out) by the original movie. I can totally see how people thought it was real haha. I'm really glad you included the Author's Note, it really showed where you got the idea for the story. I think it's really cool how you built off the movie to tell another story that is similar.
The only thing I would suggest is to maybe make the fonts consistent throughout your storybook. The Blair Witch was really easy to read, but the "Barrel Deaths" font is kind've hard to read. Other than that I think you've done a great job of telling your story and making it your own! Thanks for sharing, I think you did a great job!
Back again! I still like the visual elements of your site and I think they are very fitting. This week I took a look at your newest story, "Barrel Deaths". Starting out, I think the instant messenger conversation was an interesting touch, but you should consider bolding the screen names. I think doing this would make the conversation easier on viewer's eyes and therefore easier to read. Also, at one point you use "OUGIRL21" as the name for the girl, and then you start to use "Alyssa". I think you should keep it consistent and use "OUGIRL21" as the screen name throughout the instant messenger conversation. Other than that, I thought this element of the story was great. The instant messenger really added a relatable theme to your story considering the idea of internet dating and "catfishing" that we see in our society today!
ReplyDeleteIt is also always extremely creepy when reading your author's notes to realize that these are all based on true stories. It gives me goose bumps to know these things happen and are not just fictional stories. I really liked your image at the end of your story though. It set a very creepy tone to leave the story with.
The only other suggestion I might have is the fact that things at the end happened so fast. It seemed like it jumped from normal to being dragged out of the car and strangled really quickly. Maybe if you could draw it out with a little more details, it would add a little bit more suspense for the readers.
Other than that, I think you are doing great and have a really great theme going for your storybook!
I came back again! I couldn't stay away. This time, the third story just blew me away. I know it is creepy and a little awkward to say, but I love reading about serial killers, so this story was extra...fun? Is that the right word? Anyway, I really loved the layout, and even though it happened in Kansas, I honestly do think it was best to shift a little further south to our neck of the woods to make it a bit more frightening and realistic (if that's even an applicable term). I also liked the image you created. However, I temporarily felt like I was looking at an old milk carton.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think this has become one of my favorite storybooks from the semester, mostly because I just don't know the stories so it definitely feels fresh and new and exciting. Plus, the fact that they aren't all mythological stories, while strange to see in this class, is a breath of fresh air amongst what I have been reading all semester, you know? Keep up the great work, and I can't wait to see the last story!
I came back to your storybook because the first two stories that I read were so intriguing; I had to see what other story you would pick to retell. I even told a few friends about the "Deadly Love Affair" story that was in the news because it was scary to me that this had actually happened in real life (of course, I know that things like this happen often, I just don't hear about them for the most part).
ReplyDeleteThat being said, reading your new story, I was both intrigued and horrified to see that it was another real-life occurrence. I appreciate that you kept up this theme; it really adds to the terrifying nature of your storybook (especially a story of this nature, in which the victim meets the predator online). In this day and age, it is so easy for people to pose as someone they're not on the internet, and I felt so bad for Alyssa in the story due to her naivete. In a way, your story raises awareness for people not to trust people they have never met in person--it is so easy to impersonate someone else and to trick them. Thank you for sharing this story!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI came to your storybook this week as one of my free choices. I remember reading one of your storytelling blog posts in the course a few weeks ago and I thought that you did a great job. I wanted to see what your story book was all about, as I was very intrigued by the name of the book.
Overall, I thought your book was very well set up. It looks like a horror-type story and aesthetically, I think you did a great job with the fonts, colors, and images. Furthermore, your introduction was absolutely awesome! I was intrigued from the very first sentence. I think this is such a cool storybook idea and you did a great job of setting that up in the introduction.
Your stories within the book were also really great. I loved that you took well-known stories and gave them your own twist. I thought that overall, they were very easy to understand but still written very well, which can be a hard thing to do. There were lots of details in all three stories and it made them so enjoyable to read.
You did an awesome job with your storybook! One of my favorites from the course!
Hi Abdirahman,
ReplyDeleteYour cover photo is actually really creepy, but entirely fitting for you storybook. I like that you kept your site very simple and dark with just a plain black background and blood red text. The introduction is very powerful and definitely portrays how the spirit feels. It gives a nice start to your storybook and kind of gives a small peek to the rest of your storybook. It always surprises me how some children can be so brave. Playing hide and seek in the same woods that a town recluse lives doesn’t seem like the brightest of ideas. Especially if he was rumored to be the husband the Blair witch. This story kind of scares me a bit but it’s a very well written story. You did a great job of retelling the story and maintaining the creepy feel to it. I especially like the ending. You left the reader with enough to know what’s going to happen without actually having to state it. Reading a few other of your stories I found they all are equally well written. You did a great job in this storybook! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your future writings.
Wow I think that you have set up your cover page really well! I feel that all the elements are there! The font works really well with the theme. I think that you did red works for the picture I have painted in my head about what the storybook is going to be about! I also like that you have included a very creepy picture! I think that strengthens your storybook! I like that the picture is in the center of the page, I feel that when they are off to the side they look kind of awkward and distract the eye. I also really like the fact that you included a video! I think that is so creative and I have not seen anyone else do that! Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow great job with your introduction post! I think that you did a really good job of introducing the story line and keeping the reader really interested in what is going to happen next! I feel that you did a really good job of retelling the story ‘The Blair Witch.’ I think this is such a creepy story and you did a good job of keeping the important details from the original but also adding in your own themes. Great job so far!